date: 3.01.2011
time: 2:40 AM
From everything that i've been through, i actually believe my mother's advise now. i used to think it was all bull, since i've been so in love before and all the people around me are so in love with their boyfriends/girlfriends. i used to feel so irritated when my mother say
"You're too young for love."
numerous times i've been broken crushed fooled destroyed forgotten. i was devastated. so depressed to the point that i've turned emotional pain to numb. so numb that when i pull the blade across my skin now, i feel nothing. no pain. i feel so light. i feel so cold. i get irritated easily. i lost my trust for some people. i felt the need to ignore people.
Mother was right. i am in fact too young for love. for the first time, i met a person i really love. a whole lot. for the first time, i am tasting the bitterness of losing that person i really love. i am too young to tackle a setback like this. my emotions took control of me easily. mother said
"Never love someone more than you love yourself. If you put that person as your only source of true happiness, thinking that your happiness comes from that person only, once that person leaves you, you will feel that your happiness is completely gone. you'd feel like you're left with nothing."
mother is wise. she's right. i made the wrong move. i couldn't help but feel stranded. unless. lost. but time cannot turn back. i will pick myself back up again one day. then learn from my mistake. learn how to move forward. i want to be like mother, but slightly different. i want to be independent like her in terms of career. i will not let myself be dependent on someone else. neither will i let someone else be dependent on me. i'm going to make myself happy for myself. love will either come and go or stay with me. but if love goes, it's going to be their loss and not mine. that's how independent i would want to be. that's also how a Leo woman is supposed to be.
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