Balance? Someone teach me.
date: 7.30.2011
time: 11:27 PM
 "I will never let anything take you away from me. With all that I am, I will protect you... Now and always."
Having someone saying that vow to you, who does one feel? How does it feel to be protected, how does it feel knowing that you will be protected? Happy, joyous, feeling butterflies in your stomach? Or upset because you know it won't happen? Or felt offended because you've been seen like a weakling, because hey, you believe that you can pretty much protect yourself?
On the other hand, how does the person who said that vow felt? Happy you have met someone you love? Or fear of having that person being taken away from you hence you made that vow, as a promise to your other half and to yourself?
I don't know much, I guess. Learning as I go. I do want to protect the people that I love, but sometimes knowing that I lack that capability to do so, thus I never make any promises. Because if you fail to live up to that promise, it's always a disappointment to those people isn't it? Sometimes, because people can have so many different point of view on one matter, even if my intention was good, it might be bad to others. I'm not saying I'm a good person, but I don't have bad intentions to make just anyone suffer, or to ruin their lives unless they want to ruin mine (which will be a different case of course. Self-defense, get it?) Other wise, I will just leave you alone. But hence saying this, nowadays some people feel like I no longer care for them because I probably don't start conversations much anymore, but this is my view: there are times I feel that you need your personal space. I want to start a conversation, but I think I'm just annoying you if I keep doing it. It's not that I'm ignoring you. I've been told off before that I'm annoying. So, do you get it?
You see? I thought I had good intentions, but different points of view clash together and bam! Conflicts. Someone teach me how to balance? Why should I care so much of what others see me? There's a reason why. For people who don't bother to try to understand me, I can't be bother trying to explain myself either because no matter what I'm going to say, it's useless. So I don't care if I'm not close to you, but for my loved ones, I care. A whole lot.
Times when I want to have serious talk with you, especially after a conflict, is not because I'm picking up a larger fight than it already is. It's because I want to understand your points of view on the whole matter. Like a balance that I need to learn, I hope you will do your part also. Know if you really mean something to me. If I ever was blunt to you and said any words along the lines of you're special to i want you in the long run to i don't want us to be strangers to I love you, then you know that you're really special.
I don't have to say it out loud. So please, stop assuming and find out my points of view too; it might not always be what you thought.
there are times im so afraid to do anything, like the cards it feels like one wrong move, and it will be the end
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