Day 05 - A time you thought about ending your own life.
date: 7.05.2011
time: 11:09 AM
So, I'll be skipping Day 5's topic of this challenge, simply because it's a rather sensitive topic, and no matter how hard I tried to think of writing it in a better way, I can't. I don't feel comfortable writing this topic out so openly as I don't know what sort of people is reading this blog of mine besides the people I know will read. So please pardon me.
Anyway, I bought the novel I wanted and damn, it was much more interesting than I thought it would be. Within an hour, I've read a total of 154 pages. The story line: The man I trusted, the man I gave my whole life to, his 'secret affair' with my sister, a marriage preparation all by myself when I was pregnant and he was no where around. But nothing was worse when I saw my baby floating motionlessly in the toilet bowl during my first miscarriage. I wavered among these "new-found" emotions that tore me apart; which kept me in a state of confusion. I fought for what I thought should be the right way, changed everything about myself to fit him, but ended up finding myself in deceit & despair. Like a domino effect, a series of unfortunate events stumbled into my life - Crumpling me down; bit by bit... Deep into the abyss. It seemed like a Game played by The Universe - The Divine One, as if trying to send me a message of some kind - Reality started falling upon me like pieces of jigsaw puzzle. Each piece that is presented; etched deep into my heart, causing different levels of heartache & anguish. The pain was excruciating beyond what words could describe. Dazed and shattered, it really hurts to the core of my fragile bone, all the pain I thought I knew, they sank me deep into a bottomless pit, making me breathless. I can't handle this confusion & chaos, and I'm sick of being a weak pawn in these games of fate. "THiS iS MY STORY..." based on the True Life Account of a 18 year old Singapore Girl, Kasandra Kong.
The story line might seem rather exaggerated, but this book is about her thoughts at each point of time, her mind fighting with the devil and the angel. What I love is that what she had been through was the same as what I/we all have been through/is going to go through at some point of time in our lives. Similarly going through the stage of how she was being treated like a toy, she said that when people ask her why she's so stupid, even she doesn't have an answer for it just like when people ask me, I'd say the same thing. It's just like that, feeling hard not to care at all. Along with the obstacles she faced, this person featured in her book known as her 'GrandMentor', taught her guidance thus she overcome them using different ways.
I love it when someone writes about their thoughts in a book and share it with the world for people like me lucky enough to read them. I think this book will help me a lot and teach me how to get out of this mess. Thanks a lot to Kasandra Kong.-
Happy Birthday to Mok! :D
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