going crazy, maybe?
date: 5.17.2012
time: 3:43 AM
It's all very confusing and messy.
Sleep too much, and I can't sleep now.
Sleep too much, and I get sores all over.
I am suppose to follow doctor's diet plan and quite unfortunately, it's a plan for my bones to strengthen up whilst losing flesh (or is muscles a better word?) and fats. That means, heavier bones. Can you sense my excitement? If I'm all heavy in bones + everything else, it takes a toll for my knees. Heavy bones yet no strength - sounds kind of useless. I'm just thinking that if my bones grew bigger, wouldn't it be even more difficult to find clothes in future? I'm already wearing uk12 sizes for fuck's sake. There is already more than enough clothes that I can't fit in, I don't need more. Fuck all these bloody bones.
Constant worrying; about everything.
I feel as though all these worrying is enough to get me to lose weight. Forget about the diet plans. What should I do to help? Is the best way to help not to help at all? Mummy is more prone to sickness these days, it gets worst each time. Douchebag is #foreverpissed, no surprise there. And then, there is also trying to save someone else's marriage.
I don't know why people can't talk things out. Why they tend to let matters escalate until it's all too much to take, too much to solve. Always saying that things are fine, but it wasn't at all. Tons of different povs on one simple matter, which brings me back to my first point of talking things out. I probably don't even have the rights to give my opinions on relationships since I myself fail at it as well. Who am I to talk as if I know of these things greatly? A random thought: How does it feels like to be the one who wants to walk away and leave? I am honestly a bit tired of being the one that doesn't want to leave, telling you "please don't leave." Kind of thick skinned ey? They don't want you already, yet you still try to stick around. So dang it, can I leave people behind too? How do you just walk away from a person like that? I want to be able to do it too.
Oh yes. I dislike them boys who tells me that being with a boy would give me a better life. You can tell me your beliefs, but don't try to shove it down my throat and force me to do it. It makes me despise you more. I don't fucking care if you are so flying rich that you can buy me anything in this world. Go ahead and try to buy me someone who can love me a long long time, someone who can accept me from fucking head to toe, not wanting to change any single shit about me. Try to buy a perfect someone for me. There is no such fucking thing, so please, don't entertain me further with your cowshit. As much as you try to read about my horoscope, just to think that you know me, but there is so much more to me than what horoscopes fucking says. Just because it states that Leos like to be pampered by elegant gifts and how much of a fortune it takes to keep one by your side, I don't take that. You don't use money to tie me down. In fact, it's all the imperfections of a relationship that makes it so beautiful for me. It makes me realise just how important my partner is for me to fight for and it makes me cherish everything about it. Lol, what a ridiculous reason I had ever heard from someone. "because I can buy you anything you want, and since Leos is like that." F you.
Is there anybody out there tonight feeling the same as I do?
Where are you in this cruel world?
We should let our demons meet up and have a great time.
For the first time, I feel this fat urge to smoke.
Oh why doesn't it take just 1 pack to kill me?
It would be quick, good and all it takes is just 1 single night.
don't fall in love with me.
because I will turn your life into hell just like what I did to the others.
so please don't.
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