oh, somewhere deep inside of these bones, an emptiness began to grow


On the faithful night of 8th September, hell seemed to had broken loose from my grip. Everything hit me like a hurricane. I felt tormented after I spoke the words that I usually spoke of when someone asks me about it. But that night, I probably cried a good 3 hours about it. It was one of those nights which thoughts ran endlessly and tears flowed like no tomorrow, almost making you seem like you are a very very sad person. Am I? I have no idea. Needlessly to say, I woke up as though my double eye lids had gone wrong during a plastic surgery.

9th September;
It's your birthday. Happy belated Birthday.
Although I didn't wished you face to face, I'm well aware that it's your special day. Unlike you, I did not intentionally head out somewhere else with friends. I'm on this constant battle of trying to be nice to you or just leave you alone when you get old. I know, it's mean. Because that's when you're completely helpless. But unless someone else walks in my skin for the past 19 years, maybe then they will see why I have such thoughts. You don't deserve anything good in the last 20 years of your life. You have a wife who stubbornly helps you with everything and you never appreciate her, not even once. You think that we owe it to you when we don't, especially me. I did not choose to be born. FUCK YOU & YOUR WHATSAPPING OF BABES WHEN YOU HAVE A FUCKING WIFE, YOU FUCKING LOW LIFE DOUCHEBAG, A FUCKING DISGRACE TO MANKIND AND FUCKING BAD ROLE MODEL THAT YOU ARE SETTING TO ME YET YOU EXPECT SO MUCH OF ME. Really, I can be crown as an angel if I were to be super nice to you when I grow up. Too bad that a demon dwells inside of me, so I doubt that's gonna happen.

::It can be hard switching personalities when something bad happens in the morning before school. I don't want to bring the kind of person I am when I'm around the douchebag, to innocent people. I think I do have split personalities.::