So much suicidal thoughts. Whatever shall I do?
Told some to one person and she was very shocked.
My mother.

She knew I was unhappy, but not to that extend.
Because I always told her, "it's okay, Mummy."

Even I myself, never knew that these thoughts would come again.
I didn't even feel them coming.

I'm sorry, for hiding things from you.
I have my reasons. I know the consequences.

I am tired of trying to stay strong everytime.
But I am afraid that if I let it out, it will be the other way round.
I might lose control.

And that's when it gets suicidal.

I'm definitely, starting to lose control.