Everything seems to be crumpling to pieces, 
and I am just here trying my best to hold myself together.

This is not all of it, as usual.
I can never expose myself completely in this space.
It kills.


So much, troubles me lately. So much, I would like to say.

What happens if, you agreed to something for someone, but perhaps in the end, you feel that you would not be able to do it? It's not the kind which you know you couldn't do yet still agreed to it. It's the kind that along the week, things started to burden up and you feel ... what's the word that could describe it? I can't seem to find a word for it right now.

It's not that I regretted doing them, but if I didn't, maybe I wouldn't be like that right now. At that point of time when the things occurred, I did not want to disappoint anyone as well. I don't like the feeling of disappointing people, especially when they look up to me. It can be bad, if you look at it from another perspective. For some reason, they always saw me as the girl who will be strong no matter what happens, as the girl who will help anyone who needs help as long as it's within her capability. I guess I brought this upon myself. For always trying, trying, to help others.

There's a saying that goes, "Help and be there for others, but never lose yourself behind."

However, definitely, I lost myself.

From something small, it got to big. From bad, to worst.
I am not sure how this weekend will be. I have so much left to do, and I am still trying to help others, indirectly, to get their film assignments done. No one will help me for mine, cause it's individual. Do you, someone out there, get my drift? If I said that nothing benefits me, it's a selfish thought, is it not?

There's makeup classes for subjects today, but I didn't felt like going.
Didn't felt like staying at home either with the douchebag alone after the pain memories of last night. Right now, I am in Republic Polytechnic's library. Funny how I just mindlessly came here. Don't know why also. I just wish, that someone I knew can be with me now. I just want some comfort, some support. Because all I want to do is to give up, on everything. And it's tiring pushing myself to stop these thoughts.

But I know that everyone is either at work or school. So who am I to ask?

This strong urge to give up. What should I do...


On a side note, one thing to be perk up about is the cheese tofu(s) and bubble tea here. Good and cheap food always makes me happy.