I know I have a lot of emotions and fears going on inside of me
which, I have to admit that it does makes it hard for you to handle or figure.

Many of it puts a stop to having (what they would call) 'a fun relationship',
many of it puts a form of restriction to letting you do whatever.
You might feel suffocated in the long run because the thing is, they are already part of the past and I'm living in the present, feeling like I am scarred for life. (I think that's just exaggerating. Subconscious playing the victim card, whatsoever they call it)

Dealing/accepting them becomes another issue because I thought that by keeping them stowed away like an old battered unopened chest box, it will be alright. Yet I realized that though I stow some things away, I didn't exactly do a very good job.

“Until you heal the wounds of your past, you are going to bleed. You can bandage the bleeding with food, with alcohol, with drugs, with work, with cigarettes, with sex; But eventually, it will all ooze through and stain your life. You must find the strength to open the wounds, Stick your hands inside, pull out the core of the pain that is holding you in your past, the memories and make peace with them.” —Iyanla Vanzant

I do fear that if I were open it up and be face to face with it, I'll lose control of my being.